Tuesday, March 29, 2011

First blog

5am Thursday, March 24 2011
Sean Jones :BLOG 1:

This is my first blog I have much to write about and have been procrastinating extensively. Mostly because of continuing to smoke weed. Smoking weed has become an escape from facing what I have accepted and allowed in my life as me. Im 19 years old I live in the USA in Virginia. I have lived in Virginia my whole life so I don’t really know what its like in other country’s. Since I can remember I have been afraid of being alone, and I have come to realize this fear is irrelevant. I am always alone and am responsible for what I create. A very vivid memory of this fear still exist in me, when I was around 5 years old I attended a preschool at a church that was 2 minutes away from my house. Every day my mom would drop me off I would cry and cry and cry because I didn’t want to be away from my mother. She would promise me things like a video game or a food that I liked to get me to shut up. I guess  I am just starting to actually face this fear. I always remember wanting someone to be with, it was like what I did didn’t matter unless there was someone else there to experience it with. But now I am starting to enjoy being alone because all the “friends” I have made don’t have much of a clue of what’s actually going on in the world. I have been looking for answers to basic questions about my existence and existence and the universe and about everything for most of my teen years 16 and up. Up until I was 16 I thought everything was the way it was just because that’s how it has been. I never thought that maybe we are to blame? And that people have become so preoccupied with searching for answers outside of themselves that we have become the problem without realizing it. I have looked through lots of religions, ways of life, cults, people and how they  play a role in our lives and it is quite extensive the amount of influence these things has on even the person that does not believe in god or considers themselves to be neutral. Without a doubt all things in existence are influence by each other no matter how big or how small. So this has been a good experience writing this blog. This is my first one and it will not be the last J. Im about to get my wisdom teeth removed in a couple hours, im not looking forward to the pain. Ok im done for now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want an easy way out
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone