So today I didn't do much I woke up early, well for me at least at around 10:30 am I got up and ended up laying back down and falling back asleep until about 5 pm. My sleep schedule has been really messed up lately and im trying to get it to a point of stability. So when I woke up at 5 pm I called my dad so I could go over to his house to get some hair clippers so I can buzz my head. And when I went over to his house I decided to show him my youtube page and the desteni forum because when I found out about desteni the last time about a year ago he thought it was a cult. So I showed him the fact that it is not a cult because it does not exclude anyone from the group and there is no exclusivity. Once I showed him he said to me "well I just think you should be careful because sometimes these things want you to go deeper and deeper into something". Ha that didn't really even make sense so I just agreed and said ya. And then we started to talk about how I should go to church and how ill find lots of good people. And I said "well I actually had a conversation with someone last night about god and I think its stupid how they are in there own little bubble and think that people are starving each day just because thats the way things are. Then he went on to explain thats why there are charities and things to help with that. And I said well if we had equality then we wouldn't need these things. Then I asked him if god is such a good being then why doesn't he give each person on earth an equal opportunity when they are born. And he said to know that we would have to go way back and the reason these things exist is because humans are sinners and theses things are a result of sin. Eventually he started telling me he thinks the desteni forum is bullcrap and that he doesn't care about any of it. He told me that all he cares about is me and that I make it and that he does not care about the starving people. And that I should care more about myself than everybody else. I think that statement is interesting because I am a part of everyone else. And I know that I can only change myself and that each person has to realize there own shit. I do think it is selfish for him to say that he thinks desteni is bullcrap and that he doesn't care about it. Because to me that's like him saying standing up for equality is bullcrap and being self-honest is dumb. But in this he showed me the extent of which people are brain washed into only caring about themselfs. And also it proves to me that the current family system is like a cult in the context of excluding everyone else and only acting in self-interest. So it was an interesting night and I had some realizations that were cool.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuck up my sleep schedule
I forgive myself for thinking that my dad can relate to my process of self realization as life as one as equal to all life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry at my dad for not understanding me and my points.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drive my car from the point of wanting to go fast