"I just want to give up"

ok so im currently facing the point of wanting to give up. Since I have started my process it has improved my life and I am starting to "get real" and im actually doing things in my life now like working and getting up in the morning. I am facing this point because for the past 3 to 4 years I have always given up and have always just smoked my brains out to hide from reality. I am no longer hiding and no longer smoking pot so I need to find a way to support myself through this. I realize that this wanting to give up is all in my mind and that giving up is completely pointless. I have gotten to a point were I can see pot and smell it and just turn it down wich is something I would never do a month ago. So its cool to realize how far I have gotten in just one month and cool to realize this wanting to give up is not real. I am going to keep myself in breath so that I dont loose myself within the mind. I am doing this blog to show myself that I am here and I am no longer hiding from what I have accepted and allowed. I made and agreement with myself today this is it. I will walk this process untill it is done. A very simple agreement, and also I am unconditionally supporting myself through this process to make it easier on myself. I am glad to say that I will not be giving up, and I will not be giving in to my mind. I am glad that I am facing this point because this is a point that I have existed in  since elementery school. I always would be discouraged when I had trouble with something in school and would not take the steps to practically assist myself to take on the point. I would always go into my mind and make justifications on why I should just ignore it and just fuck around. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make justifications in my mind of why I should give up this process. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face myself with complete self-honesty. So I always remember not giving a fuck about school. From the time I was a kid till I dropped out of high school to get my GED. I always remember wanting to learn about real stuff school always just didn't seem right to me. I never fit in either, I did sort of like I had friends and stuff but it always seemed like my perspective was tweeked. This has been a cool blog to write haha and I am glad that I wrote it so I could see these points.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself within this reality practically in oneness and equality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up. I realize that If I give up I would be giving up on myself. I stand here living breathing and walking this process.