Friday, April 15, 2011
Waking up at 2 am
Ok so my brother had just came in my room to get the laptop from my room. I had let him borrow my phone earlyer and told him specifically that I if somone wakes me up in the middle of the night opposed to if I just wake up to take a piss then I cannot fall back asleep. So currently im facing this point of not going back to sleep. I was also awake last night because of a situation with my brother which I explain in my previous blog. So the experince has gone like this. I woke up while he was grabbing the laptop from my room and immedeatly I went into a reaction where I started to get anxious and having thoughts of spitefullness. I should be able to fall asleep weather I am getting woken up by my brother or if I just have to take a piss. So I went to take a piss after trying to breath through the anxeity and it did not go away. I found myself sighing because I was upset at the situation and was trying to fall back asleep but it simply was not happening. So I got up and went to my door said " hey this is why I told you not to come into my room" "im awake now and I would appreciate if I could use the computer so I can watch a video or somthing to fall back asleep". "I told you this is why I did not want you to come give me my phone back". I had set an alarm clock because I use my phone normally for that and I did not want him coming in my room to give it back because I did not want to get woken up. So yea he did it anyways only considering his self-interest in the moment and not even considering what I had said earlyer. So when I woke up I was kindof pissed, I was angry because I felt like I had made my point earlyer about how I can not fall back asleep when another person wakes me up. But I realize that I should be able to fall back asleep and this should not be a problem. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in spitefulness towards my brother. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to fall back asleep. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my brother for not being able to fall back asleep. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my back chat thoughts in this situation and to manifest the anxious feelings and the spiteful feelings towards my brother. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath through the anxiety and realize that I am having an energetic reaction to the situation. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself in self-honesty in this situation.I am responsible for my thoughts reactions and behavior.