Sunday, April 10, 2011
So this is a big point for me right now..... My past...... I am currently facing all the things I have accepted and allowed to exist as me so its not fun right now, It is not happy either. I am having most trouble with things that are in it and I am having trouble realizing that I am here now. I am breathing and I am not my past. I am here and I am currently learning how to redirect myself in moments that I feel overwhelmed and feel like "fuck im never going to get through this". These are moments where it is absolutely necessary to remain in breath and not get swept away by the mind into self pity and thoughts of worthlessness. So I remain here and I am breathing continuing in this process of self realization and continuing to unconditionally support myself. I am glad that I am able to type so well I find it very supportive lol. So far this has been a bumpy road and im sure it will continue to be. I am willing to get past the bumpyness that is why I am here. That is why I am participating in desteni to see past my own self delusion and create a world that is best for all. So that if I one day have a child he does not have to go through what I am right now. A world were he/she can be born in equality were he/she will be supported unconditionally by the system and not have to be a self interested mind ego thing that dose not stand for all life equally. Ha so I am standing here supporting myself to realize that I can do this.I am here and im not going anywhere.