Sunday, April 24, 2011
Shaving my head
So I shaved my head tonight not with a razor but with some clippers that go down to 1.5 millimeter so im pretty much bald haha. When I told my mom Im about to shave my head she was mad that I was doing it. I shaved about half of it and turned off the shaver my mom looked at me and said "Thats exactly what I did not want you to do you look like you have cancer!". I said "no mom thats just your ideas and beliefs of what someone with cancer looks like, you dont have to have cancer to have a shaved head. before I did the shaving I clearly explained my starting point to her, that I am fed up and im shaving it to show I am not controlled by my fears. But man when I shaved it she got angry and when I asked her to help me with the back of it she did it real quick and did not make it even. I was looking into the mirror and she said "why you looking in the mirror I thought you dont care what people think about you!?" in a angry snotty tone. I said "im just making sure its even" she says "well it shouldnt matter if it is, why dont you just shave it all off". I said " well I was going to but it was too thick to use a razor on it". So she got quite pissed and just started stomping around doing what she normally does if she would have like come home and the house is a mess. So I found it interesting that she got mad over such a small thing. Im pretty sure she has calmed down now but she got really mad like after I took a shower she came up to me with spare car keys in hand and said "HERE you find a place to put all the spare keys and just let me know were you put them" also she made a remark "just do what you wanna do and if you want to clue me in go ahead". So it seems to me she is fearing losing her definition of me. Interesting night in this I faced my fear of conflict and breathed through my reactions and now im here writing this blog, I felt my heart race when she started reacting and just breathed through my reactions.